In You


If you can’t find happiness inside yourself, you’ll never find it in the outside world, no matter where you move. Wherever you go, there you are. You take yourself with you. This is the essence of happiness–learning to find inner contentment in any situation.

You owe it to yourself to finish strong my friend.

Rebecca Ajibola

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Dont Quit


 

If I had to guess, I would bet you are facing your fair share of challenges and obstacles in your life… I know I am.

When things go wrong, and they sometimes will… how will you choose to respond?

That is what this short movie is all about.
Be inspired by these words of wisdom if you are thinking of quitting.

You can freely copy this link and share it with your newsletter/blog subscribers  http://www.flickspire.com/m/LifeSecrets/DontQuitPoem

Rebecca Ajibola

 

Present


The best way to predict your future is to create it and the best time to create it is right now – This
very moment! What does this mean for you?
Stop blaming the past or worrying about the future (.. Be anxious for nothing..  ) . The only time you really have is now, the present.
The past is gone, FOREVER! The future hasn’t happened yet. Today is a gift,
that’s why it’s called the PRESENT!
Cherish It! Embrace It! and Invest It!
Take advantage of it.

Dealing With Grief and Bereavement


Grief will be with many of us this time because of the shooting in Aurora, Colorado USA, where a disturbed man entered the cinema and went on a killing spree leaving 12 people dead and 58 injured, 7 in critical condition.  Many of us wonder “WHY” Death Without Denial Grief Without Apology: A ...and most still in shock. Aside from this, someone somewhere is mourning a lost close relative or friend of who either was killed or just dead  from natural causes or unnatural circumstance.  Still, in an era when the media seem to tout the wisdom of “closure” within days of any tragedy, it’s easy to feel abnormal when confronted with the long, painful, and messy process of adapting to a death.

Healthy grieving can be a slow, difficult process that lasts for months or years. And although you may gradually be able to refocus your life, you’ll probably never “get over it” or stop thinking about the person who died, till this day I have never stop thinking about the mother I lost at a very tender age; Yes its an individual thing, an individual grieving

process.

Initially, a person may feel shock and numbness as the reality of the death sinks in. Yet during that time, he or she may seem to be handling things well and may be quite competent in managing the funeral and legal matters. Later, feelings of sadness, distress, anger, and guilt may become more prominent.

To others, a grieving person may seem irritable, disorganized, or restless. Rather than “moving on,” the person often seems worse and less able to function several months after a death than he or she did during the first weeks. That’s one reason ongoing practical help and emotional support from friends is so important.

If a person feels stuck and months go by with no improvement, however slow or painful, it could be a sign of complicated grief. Complicated grief is not a mental illness; it’s the term mental health professionals use when grieving has proved to be particularly difficult and the bereaved person could benefit from professional attention.

Signs of complicated grief include an inability to accept that death has occurred; frequent nightmares and intrusive memories; withdrawal from social contact; and constant yearning for the deceased. Complicated grief is more common after a suicide or other traumatic death.

It’s important to distinguish feeling down or depressed from true clinical depression that requires treatment. A professional can help make this determination. He or she will assess whether someone is unable to cope with everyday activities and is showing symptoms not explained by grief. These include constant feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, continual thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, uncontrolled crying, delusions, and slowed thinking and physical responses.

In the year after a spouse’s death, 50% of widows develop depression. Treatment may involve medication, psychotherapy, or both. Medication does not take away grief, but rather helps a grieving person preserve the emotional energy needed to cope with feelings.

For many of the bereaved, recognizing and expressing the strong emotions associated with grief is an integral part of healing. To that end, they may want to write about their feelings, talk to friends or a spiritual adviser, see a therapist, a counselor or join a support group. Other things that can help:

  • Group support.     Relatives and friends often can’t understand what a grieving person is  going through. People often find uniquely helpful support in discussing  their loss with others in a similar situation.Bereavement support groups may be general or may focus on a particular  disease or type of relationship. They’re not meant to be psychotherapy,  although some are led by professionals. Some are ongoing; others are time-limited. A local hospice, hospital, religious group or community organization may be able to guide you to a group that is capably led and  seems like a good fit.
  • Individual therapy.      You may not be comfortable speaking in a group setting. Perhaps your  relationship with the deceased was troubled, and you have difficulty talking about it. Or you wish to address unresolved issues from your past  that a recent death has brought to the fore. In that case, working with a therapist or a trusted companion or friend one-on-one may be easier.
  • No pressure to talk.      At the same time, new research suggests that people who find it difficult to disclose their feelings shouldn’t be pressured to do so. In two European studies that followed widows and widowers for two years, neither  talking nor writing about the loss reduced distress. (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, February 2002.)

Help for the holidays

Some people who are grieving find it reassuring to participate in holiday activities as usual. Others may find it too painful to do so. Here are a few ideas to help you:

  1. Do something for others. Volunteer to help others, through your place of worship or a charity. Invite someone who is alone during the holiday to join you and your family for a meal, a religious service, or an activity such as a concert. Make a donation to a favorite cause in memory of the deceased.
  2. Help yourself adjust. Let others know that you might not participate in all the usual festivities. For example, you may feel like attending a religious service, but not the gathering that follows. Feel free to change plans at the last-minute. Cry if you need to. Let others know if it’s OK for them to share their memories of the deceased with you.

What are some good guidelines on dressing fashionably yet modestly?


Let’s turn to God’s Word for His counsel in the area of purity of appearance. Because we are His, we should dress to please Him regardless of whether we are single, widowed, divorced or married. God has called us to be beautiful and fearless daughters of promise. To remain free, we choose to live by the Spirit. Let’s gather some New Testament Scriptures that address the issue of clothing. The first is found in Paul’s instruction to Timothy:

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God (1 Timothy 2:9,10, NIV).

First and foremost, a woman’s dress is to be modest; this means void of pride and without the intent of drawing attention to itself. Second, it is to be decent, which means pure, moral and virtuous. Sometimes I question the clothing I see on young girls and single women at church. I remember looking out of step when I first got saved, because I only had a “heathen” wardrobe, but this is not what I am talking about. There is an alarming lack of modesty in daughters who have been raised in the church. I often have mothers of young boys plead with me, “Tell the young girls that how they dress is really affecting the young men!” The third description of dress in this passage is the word propriety. This is best defined as being appropriate and respectful of its setting.

Paul goes from there to the contrast between outer accessories and the adornment of good deeds. He advises women to not spend their time and resources on earthly treasures. Instead, they are to lay up for themselves treasures in heaven by adorning themselves with charitable acts.

We find another group of instructions for a Christian woman’s wardrobe in 1 Peter:

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves (1 Peter 3:3–5, NKJV).

Peter says to not let your adornment be merely external, especially to the neglect of your internal beauty. Then he lets us in on the beauty secret of the holy woman—that is, to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit. A major factor in this adornment is learning to trust God. Paul encourages women to adorn themselves with good works, and Peter instructs them to focus on unseen treasure. If we develop our spirits like the holy women of old, we will put on garments of grace and praise.

Abstain from all appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22, KJV).

Our clothing should not even appear to be suggestive. Showing cleavage, navels or excessive leg is not appropriate for church services, youth groups or retreats. Neither are overly tight tops, pants or dresses that leave nothing to the imagination. Such clothing is not appropriate anywhere because it is not modest, and its whole intention is to call attention to breasts, navels, legs or bottoms. It is not polite because it can make others uncomfortable—especially hormone-driven, sight-oriented males. It is simply not appropriate for those who profess to belong to God.

Take a good hard look at your wardrobe and ask the Holy Spirit to be your fashion consultant. As you dress, ask yourself:

Is this modest?
Is it decent?
Is it appropriate for where I’m going?
Does it honor whose I am?
How am I affecting the males around me with my clothing?
Am I honoring them and encouraging them in their pursuit of purity?

The enemy of your soul wants to strip you, make sport of you, and merchandise your body, but your heavenly Father wants to clothe you with beauty, strength, dignity, and honor that will endure.

How can I begin to break the silence and be open about being sexually abused as a child?


Every time my stepfather touched me, I felt as if I was losing a small piece of me. As I got smaller and smaller, our secret seemed to grow bigger and bigger. The silence was cramming all the small, shattered pieces of me into some secret, shameful box that I hoped no one would ever open.

I am not alone. Every day I receive e-mails from people who have been sexually abused and have kept silent about it. Many survivors who have lived in silence falsely believe that talking about their abuse will not only do nothing to reduce their shame and isolation, but that it will actually make things worse.

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse long to be accepted for who we are. As children, we never felt accepted because we believed something was wrong with us. We thought something about us was bad and deserved punishment. Now, as adults, it doesn’t make sense that someone would accept us just because we’re not being abused anymore. So we decide to become someone else—someone others will accept and maybe even love.

But even though our façade helps win us the acceptance of others, we feel exactly the same inside. Contrary to what we believed, we do not feel better. We still can’t accept ourselves, for we don’t even know the real us. We long to know who we really are. But we find we fear it just as much as we long for it. It seems easier to just keep faking it.

When I decided to get real, I took small, quick breaths of fresh air. A little trust here. A little openness there. I kept the blanket off just long enough to know I was making progress. But as I kept working at getting real, I began to realize what I was looking for was a community where I could heal, where I could find acceptance, love, purpose and hope. I was looking for a circle of inspiration.

Creating your own circle can take a while. Most of the time, no one will know that you even need this kind of support until you speak up about it. Hence my passion and focus on empowering survivors to break the silence. It also takes time to build relationships by learning to trust again and allowing others to know you.

Your circle may seem small or even nonexistent at this point. You may still be holding your breath, too afraid to breathe. But just as Jesus got to choose the men He wanted in His circle, you get to choose the people you want in yours. You’re the only one who decides who will get to hear your story and have the high honor of getting to know the real you.

We need to find people we trust—or people we can begin to try to trust—and share our story with them. This is where our healing journey begins and where our circle of inspiration starts to grow. So to begin to form your circle, start with someone you feel you can trust. Chances are, this person will be caring and compassionate, someone who is willing to reach out to you in your pain.

(Help is out there, you dont have to tolerate or accept any nonsense because that is what sexual abuse is, please do not suffer in silence. No man has the right to Lord over another human being. It is not acceptable. Contact us or simple email us for counsel; Pastor Rebecca).

Why don’t women leave their abusers?


Grandville : Cent Proverbes

Grandville : Cent Proverbes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The fact is that many women do leave, and they risk their lives in doing so. A woman may leave an average of seven times—leaving and going back home—before she leaves for good. There are many reasons why a woman stays in an abusive relationship or returns home after leaving, but the primary motivation is fear.
Fear

The victim has every reason to be afraid. Many abusers threaten to take the children if she leaves—either by accusing her of being an incompetent parent and gaining custody or by kidnapping them. In extreme cases, he may kill them as the ultimate revenge against his wife.

She also fears for her own safety. She may get killed herself! A woman is at 75 percent greater risk of harm from her abuser when she leaves.1 One abuser threatened to kill his wife, saying, “If I can’t have you, nobody else will either.” In another incident the abuser disfigured his wife’s face with acid, proclaiming, “Now no one will ever want to look at you again.”
Guilt

Religious beliefs and guilt keep many women from leaving abusive situations. They fear the condescending and judgmental reactions of friends and family who believe she is responsible for breaking up the family by leaving. She may also fear offending God and her church family. Most women who have children try to protect them from the trauma of divorce by staying in an abusive marriage. They do not realize their children will suffer more long-lasting trauma by being in an abusive home than in a single-parent home. Women may not realize that leaving does not necessarily lead to divorce. In some cases, separation is the wake-up call that causes her husband to seek help.
Confusion

Confusion and “crazy making” keep many women off balance and unable to make rational decisions. One day he worships her and places her on a pedestal. The next day she doesn’t meet his expectations and falls from grace. The fall is a long one, and she can’t understand why he has changed from a loving, generous husband into a maniacal bully who delights in punishing her.
False Hope

False hope distorts a woman’s view of reality. Many women stay in an abusive home because they love their husbands and long to see their marriage succeed. They simply want the disrespect and violence to stop. She believes if she tries a little harder or waits a little longer, things will change. She believes him when he says the abuse will never happen again. Because he has been wounded in the past, she thinks he needs extra love and care, and she thinks that helping him become whole is her responsibility. Because she loves him, she denies the reality that he is capable of seriously hurting or killing her. False hope convinces her that she needs to protect her husband—even from himself.
Financial Instability

Financial dependence and fear of the unknown paralyze many women as they ponder how they will be able to support themselves and, in many cases, their children. Most women face financial, social, and emotional hardships when they leave, and they often find that assistance is limited or not available to them. Weak criminal justice systems offer no hope, and have failed victims again and again, causing women to be terrified of possibly losing custody of their children and become destitute financially. When a woman’s life is bound up in her family, she worries about continuing important relationships with stepchildren, grandchildren, in-laws, and friends. She believes her identity will be lost if she leaves.
Lack of Information

Ignorance of the facts and of the consequences of domestic violence causes women to view themselves as the problem rather than understanding the cause of violence is within the heart and mind of the abuser. They believe his violence is caused by temporary problems based on outside circumstances, such as stress at work. Having this mind-set, they believe that once the stress is relieved, the beatings will stop. In addition, some women are unaware that spousal abuse is spiritually and morally wrong.

(If you have been abused or in an abusive relationship, you dont have to suffer in silence feel free to contact us, there is help out there.)

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